Goal #1
I adore writing and I always will. I find myself to deeply resonate with the poetic justice and emotional truth of words. However, my arguments often tend to come from chaotic emotional standpoints, my writing using pathos and rambling, poetic thoughts that fail to follow the main point logically. Thus, one of my first and most pivotal goals is to strengthen my logical arguments. I feel as though I come across to the world as a joke, the things I am passionate about only being backed up by emotional and moral justification. I struggled a lot with my essay over naive cynicism. I tried to weave in poetic language and emotional evidence because it is what I know best, creating strong accusations without evidence. My work was a representation of this, reading like a personal response to the material instead of an essay. I believe I have to be diligent and rein in self control within my writing to contain my emotional side while feeding the logical one. This is especially important to me because when I enter the world, I want people to take me and what I care about seriously. Goal #2 Based on a mind that works like an endless, poetic ramble, I also tend to get off topic. It's difficult for me to stay on track when there are oh so many things to talk about. Also in my essay, I wanted to showcase how the media is affecting minds across the world, creating a detrimental mental construct. My overall thesis was asking what tools society can use to shift away from naive cynicism when it is broadcasted to us via technology. I then proposed another question, "How can we find a balance and silver lining between cynicism and optimism?" These two questions create two very different essays, and as a result. my essay became a jumbled mix of the two. I touched upon healthy cynicism and when it's not necessary, also fueling my other question. Because of two different purposes, my essay was confusing and hard to follow. In this current essay and others to follow, I want to create more structured guidelines for my essays before I begin writing all over the place from different ideas. I think for Naive Cynicism I want to focus more on finding a balance as it can be more easily answered by the tools necessary to shift away from naive cynicism. Goal #3 Lastly, I would like to work on my tone. I find in a lot of my school writings that they can come across as emotional journal entries. When I write, it often comes out of deep emotional experiences and because of this, I forget whom I am actually speaking to- the audience that is digesting this information. For example, my college essay has a bad tone at first. I focused strongly on how I dealt with negative things in the world, without meaning to, the amount and way I wrote this section of my essay made me appear negatively and in a light I didn't want to be under. I talked endlessly about how much I felt for the pains of the world, rambling on and on, the tone was dark and without a solution. Though people who know me well understand I was trying to explain the complexity and sensitivity of my emotions, to strangers I could come across as unstable and negative. Tone is extremely important in future writing because even if there is validity into what one is speaking, how it is showcased will ultimately affect the audiences opinions of it. College Essay Reflection The word capacity was extremely difficult for me, and for a long time I looked blankly at an empty google document, unsure of what words I could paint together to compose a picture, one that would define me within the constraint of a word limit. After a meeting with my college counselor, I learned my GPA and SAT scores, little condescending numbers on papers defining my future. I broke down when i saw most colleges accepted students with numbers far exceeding my own. She explained to me the profound importance of my college essay and letters of recommendation. I tried not to cry but left the room blinking quickly. I rewrote my essay about three times and am still constantly making changes. The fear, pressure and insecurity strangled me as I typed every single word. I imagined my essay making no dent on the readers soul, the sad canvas of broken words being tossed into the recycling bin. Yet another failure. Every sentence sounded wrong as I read it over and over, the carelessly poetic words I threw in for good measure would be laughed at as naive, what makes me unique as a human being would be scrutinized. My worth judged based on this piece of paper staring back at me. My essay was outlining my compassion to the world around me, how I could feel deeply for both the yin and yang of the world but regain my sense of purpose somewhere in the silver lining. I found it tragically ironic I could not even gain control while writing a silly essay. Anyways, what got me through this dilemma that seemed to have no end was simply remembering the experience. I cut down the darker side of my essay and wrote about Tirza, how the experience in the refuge had changed my life, that a little girl helped me find my sense of purpose. As soon as I remembered that, everything came easily. My humanities teacher Ashley gave me helpful advice as we went over my scrambled thoughts together, she pointed a flashlight in the direction I wished to travel; bringing up a pivotal point. I was showing the negative side of myself too much. My first attempts only consisted of how deeply I felt pain, and though it articulated a strong sense of compassion and sensitivity for the world, there was no solution to my constant emotional crisis. I went on and on about how I felt for Hiroshima and thoughts that ran through my head about any injustice. And after a certain point, it became a hopeless broken record. She reminded me of something I easily overlooked, that this essay is to showcase how I overcame and found balance between feeling the good and bad, where a sense of purpose flowered that has shaped my identity. My entire tone was shifted, in turn displaying a more happy girl who understands her ability and how to use it in the world. Now, more logically writing wise, I was repetitive. Something extremely beneficial was streamlining various paragraphs that basically were saying the same thing through different examples and metaphors. To an extent, an essay like that becomes boring to read, endless rambling on and on. Many of my sentences didn't make sense as I continued to rewrite my essay in such a rush I was unable to articulate myself and who I am. As soon as I found sight of the impact of this essay, beyond possible recycling bins, acceptance letters or judgmental thoughts, the prompt spoke clearly to me, the words flowing easily and concisely.
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